


Press A to Enter Cave

by HelloHeadquarters



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Crack, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:42:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25808311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelloHeadquarters/pseuds/HelloHeadquarters
Summary: I've been playing Skyrim.Tae Joon and Elliott don't go in a cave.
Relationships: Crypto | Park Tae Joon/Mirage | Elliott Witt
Kudos: 32





	Press A to Enter Cave

"I have at least eighteen good reasons for us to not go in there."

"Name one."

"Because no is why."

"Come on idiot, don't be a scaredy-pants."

Elliott looked at Tae Joon as if he had just grown an extra head, or as though a plumage of bright blue and pink feathers had erupted from the one he already had, or something equally as ridiculous and shocking. 

"Hey, hey Tae, hey."

"What?"

"Go fuck yourself."

Tae Joon frowned and then shrugged and then turned away from Elliott and stared back into the mouth of the cave they had stumbled upon. 

"I thought that was what I had you for?"

Elliott tipped his head slightly to one side in acquiescence. 

"Who the hell uses the term, 'scaredy-pants' anyway?" he continued, refusing to be waylaid by a rare reference to sex outside of the bedroom from the bastard who knew _exactly_ what he was doing. "That is some Park brand bullshit right there."

Tae Joon did look back at him then. "Elliott," he hissed, only to have the tail end of the name come back at them in a ghostly echo from the shadowy depths.

"Oh, look at that," Elliott said mock cheerfully through gritted teeth. "The very entrance to Hell Itself is calling me."

Tae Joon smiled. "You are very dramatic."

"I'm a lot of things," Elliott countered. "But ok, dramatic is one of them, yes."

Tae Joon rolled his shoulders, setting them squarely. 

"Oh no, no fucking way. I know that pose. You are _not_ going in there."

Tae Joon let out the sigh of deep weariness that he'd had to custom build from the first time he had ever let Elliott within half a foot of his fun zone. Being with Elliott was, well, an experience. Sometimes one that wore him out, or pissed him off but he was sure the feeling was mutual and besides...

He could never want to be anywhere else now.

Relationship wise, at least. Geographically, however, he was starting to regret his baffling insistence that they explore the deep, dark fucking actual real life _cave_ they had found. Still, if there was one horrible personality trait Tae Joon could admit to in the privacy of his own mind it was that he was a stubborn little shit, and no matter what, he was going in that god forsaken cave.

"It's fine, Elliott," he said. "Probably fine."

Elliott's eyes widened. "No. Nope. I don't like the dark, I don't like caves, and I _really_ don't like the idea of watching your skinny ass disappear into a dark cave!"

Tae Joon decided that as a hacker, it was kind of his job to know which buttons to press to get what he wanted.

"Look at the big, brave Legend," he said in a simpering voice of which he didn't even know he was capable but which did, at least, seem to be working. "Don't tell me _Mirage_ is scared of one tiny, cave?"

Elliott snorted. "Please. Mirage ain't scared of anything."

"Well, alright then."

Elliott reached out and grabbed his arm. "However, Elliott is a little worried that his boyfriend's gonna get his butt mauled by a bear or a prowler or some shit."

The thought had occurred to Tae Joon too, along with the fact that he had no reason to ever go into a disgusting dank cave in the first place. It was quite possible his relationship with Elliott was making him more daring and adventurous than his imagination was equipped to handle, and whereas some people might have tried out a tandem bungee jump or edible underwear, Tae Joon was trying to lead them both to the very brink of death instead. 

Smooth.

"What's so fucking fascinating about a damn nasty cave anyway?" Elliott continued as Tae Joon continued to stare at the entrance like Doctor fucking Livingstone. 

Tae Joon shrugged. "Never been in a cave before."

"And we'd hate to break that streak wouldn't we so let's just go home. Please?"

Tae Joon picked up a small rock by his feet and tossed it into the entrance. It clacked and skittered away into the darkness. 

"Come on. I'll do that thing you like with the ice cubes and that book of Battlestar Galactica quotes." 

"Elliott, I--"

"Ok, alright, the thing with the honey and the two-way mirror."

"I just wanna take a peek inside, that's all."

"The thing with the fluffy handcuffs and Elvis' Greatest Hits on vinyl?"

"I'll only be a moment."

Elliott suddenly grinned wickedly.

"The thing with the raspberry parfait and your... favourite costume."

Tae Joon's head snapped around.

"You'll wear the whole thing?" he asked shrewdly.

Elliott smiled. "Even the goggles."

Tae Joon considered this for a moment. "Ok. Fine. Let's go home."

There were always more fun things to explore than caves, and Elliott's body was one of them.


End file.
